I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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