Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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