Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
