when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize