The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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