I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
