found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
