Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
