Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
