You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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