I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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