i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
