i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
