My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
