Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
