My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
