Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Randomize
