Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize