A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
