I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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