i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Holy sore nipples Batman
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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