Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize
