it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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