Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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