By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I have tasted many bathrooms
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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