I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My liver just had a heart attack.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
