I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
