how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
FUCK WHALES
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
