left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
