There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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