So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
