I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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