youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
