U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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