are you so shy because you have an std?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
