He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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