Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
