dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
