oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just found puke in my bra..
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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