They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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