can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
