after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We had to coat check the pizza.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
whose parrot is this?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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