Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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