I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize