Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Is Oprah even human
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
