ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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