I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
