i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize