38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
