My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
