Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My pussy is not your playground.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Randomize
