Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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