yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
