It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
