so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
