Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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