shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
