No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
