Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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