Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I have feelings that need drinking.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
