I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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