What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
